The Power of Repentance

Secrets. What is the impact of secrets kept for days? months? years? decades?

Tension. Anxiety. Illness.

When one lives in a household where secrets are the norm, trust does not exist.

There are secrets in everyone’s lives. There are secrets in many families.

But some people and families strive to live by a higher standard: one of stringent integrity. In my opinion, this choice is made because one believes in the principles of repentance.

There are five steps to repentance:
1) acknowledgement of the sin,
2) confess the sin (in prayer and to the proper person/organization),
3) ask for forgiveness,
4) turn away from the sin in future actions, and
5) restore the wrong that was done to the proper person/organization.

It is not enough to “be sorry” (meaning that you complete steps 1–3). True repentance requires a complete change of mind (steps 4–5). One’s behavior changes. It becomes better. Day by day. Week by week. Month by month. Year by year.

However, for some individuals, step 1 “acknowledgement of the sin” is the hardest step to take because it requires sincere humility. One must be willing to look inward and realize a sin has been committed.

Greg Laurie, a popular evangelical minister, stated: “There’s a difference between remorse and repentance. Remorse is being sorry for being caught. Repentance is being sorry enough to stop.”

Elder Matthew S. Holland said, “The very purpose of repentance is to take certain misery and transform it into pure bliss.”

I have experienced this bliss. This joy beyond all joys. It happened the day after I told my parents that I had been sexually abused by a neighborhood boy. It was a secret I had kept from them for 38 years. The next day, I took a walk and while on that walk, I felt all of my sins washed away. I was clean before the Lord. I had never felt that way before in my life.

Why was I able to finally feel bliss? Because I had finally completed all the steps of repentance. By not telling my parents, I was stymied at #2: confessing the sin to the proper individuals.

Elder Francisco J. Vinas asserted “repentance is a process that requires consistency in each of its steps” (LDS General Conference, “The Pleasing Word of God,” October 2015). In this talk, Elder Vinas opens his talk with how hearing “‘the pleasing word of God, yea, the word which healeth the wounded soul’ (Jacob 2:8). That word can be found in the scriptures and in the messages from our leaders, bringing us hope and comfort in the darkness of affliction.”

Early childhood sexual tauma like I experienced causes “deeply painful marks in [my] soul.”

So repentance is key in trusting that the Lord’s pleasing words can “fill us with hope”. Also, making great efforts to create a place in which one feels safe, comforted, and in control.

My husband has encouraged me to create this safe space. At first, it was an actual safe space: our home. But it took us about 8 years into our marriage to find a home which worked well for us. Bryan and I worked together to settle down and to create a residence in which we both knew I was safe. Few people have visited our current home. Why? Because it is my safe space. It is not a space where I entertain on a regular basis. It is my haven away from the world.

But with Bryan’s encouragement and many weeks of therapy, I’ve discovered my voice in addressing those whom I don’t feel safe with. There are a few people in this world that cross boundaries with me and hurt me deeply. I actively work to stay away from these individuals since they are not safe. In fact, they cause trauma (either refreshing old traumas or causing new ones). So I don’t communicate with them.

Will the trauma ever be healed? I doubt it.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland stated, “repentance is simply the scriptural invitation for growth and improvement and progress and renewal.”

If I take an eternal perspective toward why I experienced such soul wrenching harm, it helps me assist others. In their eyes, I am accomplished. But they do not see the emotional scars that I carry each day. But I’ve been able to grow, improve, and progress in so many ways. The part I still struggle with is feeling renewal but as Elder Holland stated that entire process is based on turning toward the scriptures. By repenting and turning toward the Lord through the scriptures, I should feel renewed and strong enough to assist others. And if I’m able to help just one person who feels unlovable see that there is a path of happiness before him/her, then that brings me joy.